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The love I’ll always have for him.
My head is pounding and my whole body is shuddering. The excitment is ripping through me like a tornado. Like a violent, passionate storm. I want him, i want all of him on my body. Every inch of skin is new territory to explore. Tears of happiness flow from my eyes as i imagine finally telling him how i feel. This emotion has been building and building and building and now i think i’m just going to do it. I’m going to make the big gesture. I’m going to take a leap of faith and tell him how i feel. And if it all goes south then at least i tried.
I love you.
Shit. Why is it so hard to say those three words? Am i fearful of being swept into a romance i won’t be able to escape? Am i fearful of losing control? Of not being in control of my own life? Am i worried i will lose myself to the only guy who truly knows me?
My vulnerability has got my voice shaking and my fingers trembling. I don’t want to be hurt again, for i have been hurt so many times before in the past. I don’t want to let him in, but i really honestly want to. I’m lying to myself if i say i don’t love him and it’s proof that i love him because every time i try to deny my feelings, they resurface.
I’m such a control freak. I just want everything in my life to go to plan but love, I'm learning, isn’t planned. It can’t be controlled, God damn it. It’s…
